


Breaking Apart

by ValkyrieShepard



Series: I left my life for you [6]
Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Incest, M/M, Regret, Rough Sex, Self Harm, Sibling Incest, Smut, alluding to rape, dubcon, self punishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 04:11:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7299031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieShepard/pseuds/ValkyrieShepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samuel Drake had a long time to imagine the perfect reunion with his brother. But after he gets out of prison nothing is the way he imagined it. How long before he completely falls apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is not in line with the other short drabbles from this series. It was also based on a prompt: Upon Sam's return he finds out Nate is married and has been for sometime. Over time he brakes down and when their alone he tells his brother about his feelings.

"Sam, you dog, alive after all these years!"

Rafe slapped his shoulder, laughing as he did. 

"Hey, Rafe."

"Now, is that any way to greet the man who got you out of this shithole? Not even a thanks?"

Sam took a deep breath and sighed, straightening himself up. Somehow, after getting out he felt less relieved than he thought he would. This was not the first person he had wanted to see, not by a long shot. 

"Thanks," he said, trying to make it sound as genuine as he could. 

Rafe now put an arm around him, and he let it happen, let him lead him back to his climatized car. Holy shit it was cold in there, he was not used to it anymore. But his thoughts drifted off as Rafe chatted on, about the treasure most likely, about what he'd been doing for the past thirteen years. His thoughts went to where they'd been for almost every day he had been locked up in that infernal place: Nathan. 

He'd gone through all the motions in his head: Guilt, desire, fear, hopelessness, acceptance, but guilt most of all when he'd first used the image of his brother to keep going. Just one more day, he'd tell himself, one more day maybe there'll be a chance, and maybe Sam would be able to hold him again, to finally, finally kiss him. It had been many, many years since he realized he was attracted to his brother, that he loved him in a way he wasn't supposed to. The realization had been like a punch to the gut, this was his little brother that he was supposed to protect and take care of, not lust after. So he'd bottled it all up, hidden it deep down and ignored the pain that came with Nathan flirting with other people, men and women. At one point the perpetual misery deep down had become a part of him, and he had a good handle on it, never would he have thought he'd regret not kissing him. 

But down in that prison, down in that infernal place, he had thought about it, many, many times. It would have made things easier perhaps, to have that memory. As it was, he'd try his best to recall what he'd feel like against him. His body pressed close whenever he got scared of a terrible storm and Sam would hold him through it. He briefly wondered whether he'd ever gotten over that fear, whether there was anyone else to hold him through it now, and even that thought hurt. 

The guilt had been so prominent at first, as he kept imagining his brother in decidedly not brotherly ways. He needed those fantasies, simply to survive. He had to make it one more day, one more week, one more month and eventually the guilt faded. But those thoughts became weaker with every year that passed, the hope slowly dwindling and shortly before Rafe got him out it had been snuffed out completely. He had been so, so close to ending it all. It would have been easy, to pick a fight that he couldn't win, to find a miserable end in this miserable place. 

Nathan's image at that point, hadn't given him the energy to keep going. It had been the opposite, because maybe, just maybe wherever he'd go, Nathan would be there. 

And then Rafe had shown up. 

"Sam, are you even listening to me?," Rafe's voice ripped him from his train of thought. 

"What? Yes, where are we going?" 

Rafe gave him a onceover, at it was clear that he was disgusted with him. No surprise there. 

"Hotel. You're going to clean up, I've gotten you some clothes, and then.... Scotland," he said the last part with a big grin, that grin he knew so well. If he'd been digging there for the past thirteen years, and hadn't come up with anything, Sam must be his only sliver of hope. To finally find just something. Rafe was smart, but not like him and Nathan were, not to mention simply lacking the knowledge. 

Sam would go with him, for now. But he had no intention to find Avery's treasure with this man. He was a means to an end, and once he was close enough he'd give him the slip, go to his brother and take him to find it. It was theirs, always had been. They were meant to find it together. Finally, once more Nathan's image in his head sparked something within him. He would see him again, touch him again, and maybe, just maybe... 

Rafe insisted on talking to him, keeping him from his fantasy. And he wasn't wrong, taking a shower in a damn fancy hotel, to soon wear his own clothes - though technically Rafe's - and eating real fucking food was the best thing he had experienced in his entire life. And of course during most of this, Rafe insisted he'd be there. Once cleaned up, the look in his eyes changed, to one Sam remembered very well from so many years ago: Lust. 

He had always lusted after him, and Nathan as well, though neither indulged him in that way. It enraged him, that he couldn't have either of them, and while he was an attractive man there was something about him that just didn't feel quite right. Madness, perhaps. Sam had flirted with him though, every now and then, mostly to keep his attention off his brother. For one he wouldn't have been able to stand knowing that Rafe had touched him in a way he never could, and he didn't want his little brother to be hurt by him. It seemed inevitable, if they ever were together. Rafe seemed like the type. 

So he'd kept Rafe's attention on himself, and now it looked like it had returned. If he was honest with himself he hadn't been sure it would. There were certainly more lines on his face, more tattoos on his body, not professionally done of course, and some gray in his hair. Rafe on the other hand hardly seemed to have aged at all, but then he had never had to work hard his entire life. He was attractive, yes, and it had been quite some time for Sam. 

There was no... how would he put it? No real sex in prison. Not in the way he defined it. There was the kind of sex to own someone, or to be owned, or the kind for a moment's pleasure in between shitty situations. Though the latter was usually rough, quick, and more often than not hurt as much as it felt good. Sex that involved love, actually caring about the other person? No, he hadn't experienced that in years. 

It wouldn't be like that with Rafe either, but it would be on a soft bed, would perhaps even be gentle and would definitely involve lube and condoms. That was more desirable than anything he had experienced in that place. So he leaned forward on the table in this incredibly fancy hotel room, and smiled at Rafe, let his bathrobe slip a bit from his shoulder. 

"What's a guy fresh out of prison gotta do to get some decent alcohol around here?," he asked, making Rafe laugh. 

"He's just gotta say the word." Rafe immediately reached over to call for room service, ordering bottles - yes, multiple bottles Sam realized with satisfaction - of champagne, as well as strawberries and cream. 

"Oh, the good stuff, hm?" Sam inspected the bottle when it arrived a few minutes later, ignoring the strawberries for now. 

"You know me, Sam," Rafe said, taking the bottle from him. "I always have the good stuff. So..."

With very practiced motions, he opened to bottle, letting it pop and poured both of them a glass. One of them he handed to Sam, and raised his own to clink them together. 

"To us, working together," he continued. "To finding Avery's treasure!" 

"To Avery's treasure," Sam repeated and clinked their glasses together. The first sip of the champagne almost made his knees weak, and he was glad that he was already sitting down. Fuck, this was good, not too sweet, prickly, warming him up. He sighed, and when he opened his eyes again Rafe was grinning at him. 

It was obvious what he wanted. As they chatted, about the treasure, about meaningless things, Rafe promising that there would be many more things like this fancy champagne in their future, he watched Sam. He didn't just watch him, he was desiring him, licking his lips as his gaze wandered lower, over the intentionally exposed shoulder, his nipple and the view of his abs. Sam leaned back and took another sip of the champagne, didn't pull his robe closed when it slowly fell open while he moved. Damn, Rafe was even thirstier for this than he was. He couldn't deny that watching him felt damn good. To be treated as handsome, as someone to be desired... It almost felt as if he'd never experienced it at all, it'd been so long. Sam could practically see Rafe getting hard as he leaned to take a strawberry, dip it in the cream and oh so very slowly took a bite out of it. Teasing, he hadn't done that in a long time either, and he reveled in every moment of it. 

Sam eventually downed the contents of his glass, thoroughly tipsy after not drinking alcohol for many years. Nothing he could have gotten in that prison would have been worth it, and he rather stayed sober to be able to protect himself. But right now he tried to push all thoughts of that place out of his mind, and stood. Striding over to Rafe, he let his robe fall open completely. Naturally, he was naked underneath, and Rafe licked his lips, readily let Sam straddle him. He set his glass aside too and now Sam felt his hands come to cup and squeeze his ass. 

The way Rafe looked at him... almost as if he couldn't believe his luck, almost as if he had been waiting to do this, desperately. 

"Now, this might just be a one time thing...," Sam said, finger tracing Rafe's lovely lips. "This doesn't mean anything. This is me needing a good fuck after getting out of this shithole, got it?" 

Rafe chuckled and went for a kiss. Sam let him, parted his lips to deepen it quickly. Kisses... he'd missed those, any kind, really. He hadn't kissed anyone in so fucking long...

"Got it," Rafe mumbled against his lips, then nodded towards the bed. 

Sam had to admit, he was a little surprised that Rafe readily accepted his terms like that. Perhaps this didn't need to be a one time thing, depending on how well this man did in bed. Right now, Sam didn't really care. Right now, he needed to get fucked. So he stood up, and let his robe completely fall to the floor, now entirely naked. He'd seen lube and condoms around here somewhere, and gathered them from the little nightstand before lying down on the bed. Sprawling there, really. He settled against the large pile of pillows that were on it, spreading his legs to show Rafe all of his assets. 

Rafe on his part stood at the foot of the bed, still completely dressed. That look of desire in his eyes was absolutely delicious, and Sam watched him take off his clothes. He had filled out a bit since the last time he'd seen him, had gained more muscle mass, but still had a slim waist. Not that he'd ever seen him naked, so now he savored this moment, to see Rafe, all of him. Sam licked his lips when those pants finally fell, revealing Rafe's half hard cock. He was decently big, cut, surprisingly, quite pretty if he was honest. He spread his legs a little further, and held up the lube. 

"You or me?," he asked. 

Rafe remained where he stood, hand on his hip as he looked down at him. 

"You. Show me what you got."

Oh this, this he could go for. With a big grin on his face he coated his fingers in lube and settled into a comfortable position. He didn't waste much time with giving Rafe too much of a show, he was far too horny for that. Instead he closed his eyes and pushed a finger into him, gasping a bit at the sensation. Oh he hadn't been able to do this properly in so fucking long. He could take his time, be gentle with himself as he stretched his hole open, stretched it with the knowledge that soon Rafe would be balls deep in him, scratching the itch he'd had since he'd seen him again. 

He let himself moan, freely, openly, let those deep sounds fill the hotel room and his grin widened when he opened his eyes again to see that Rafe was almost drooling over the sight of him. To enjoy that sight, Sam fingered himself a bit longer than he knew was necessary, and relished in this look of desire and how it made him feel. Almost as if he wasn't a hole to be used, as if he was something more. Right now that was more than he could have ever wished for, right now he craved it, craved any touch that wasn't pushing him down by the back of his neck and before he got emotional about this crap he beckoned Rafe over. 

"Come on now, are you gonna wait all night?," he asked, glad that after so many years in prison he had learned to hide his true feelings. 

Rafe eagerly crawled onto the bed with him, settled in between Sam's thighs and slipped in a condom, their cocks pressing together as he leaned for a kiss. It was passionate, but not rough, and soon enough this frankly quite gorgeous man was trailing hot kisses down his neck, down his chest until he found one nipple and started sucking on it. Sam, gasped, surprised at the way Rafe seemed to fuck. He'd expected him to push in immediately, to be rough and out for his own pleasure but as he moaned and Rafe's cock teased his entrance he had to mentally thank him. This was... what he needed. 

"Come on, Rafe," he almost whined. "Gimme your cock already." 

He chuckled against Sam's neck. 

"All right, I guess you're eager after all that time." 

For a brief moment Sam wondered whether Rafe was naive enough to think that he didn't have sex in that prison, regardless of what kind. But those thoughts were washed away when he pushed into him, his body eagerly accepting his cock. For once there was no discomfort or even pain, Sam's fingers dug into his shoulders as he felt himself filled up, felt Rafe's cock inside him. 

"Shit, oh yes," he half cursed, half moaned and he heard Rafe chuckle, the vibration making this even more delicious. 

"Had I known you needed cock this badly, I wouldn't have waited so long," he said, and started thrusting. 

Sam quickly got lost in the pleasure, the heat that started to spread through his body. He had forgotten what sex could feel like, how good it could be. He barely registered that Rafe was grinning down at him, was kissing him again and again, his thrusts firm and somehow gentle. All he could do was cling to this man and moan, moan until he was hoarse, until they were both a writhing, sweaty mess. 

Maybe Rafe was talking dirty to him, asking whether he liked his cock, maybe Sam was even answering, he couldn't rightly tell in the end. All he knew was that he felt amazing, felt his nerves on fire as he edged him closer and closer to the edge. His fingers moved on their own, raking over Rafe's back as he came, let his orgasm overwhelm him. He faintly heard Rafe yelp in surprise, but that grin he showed Sam could only mean that he liked it. The kinky fucker. 

He was panting, completely out of breath when Rafe pulled out of him, to lie on his side, to watch him. 

"Damn, Samuel, you really needed that, huh?"

Sam turned to look at him, still panting a little. Oddly enough he didn't seem to judge him, merely stated a fact. Still, Sam was wary of him. Things might have happened to change this man, but he couldn't be sure of that, and he never really trusted him. There was just something... unnerving about him sometimes. Like he could snap at any moment. 

"Yeah, I did actually," he said, looking around but before he needed to get up Rafe handed him a towel with which he could clean himself up. Apparently he'd come all over his belly. Rafe on the other hand had already gotten rid of his condom, and Sam tried not to be too obvious about ogling his abs. "Thanks." 

"Sure." Rafe sat up. "I should go then." 

"You don't have to," Sam blurted out and winced. That hadn't supposed to come out this needy. "I mean if you want. No cuddling." 

He turned to lie on his side, pulling the cover over himself. Staring at the wall he listened to any sounds Rafe made. There was a moment of hesitation before he felt the bed dip again, and Rafe settled in beside him. He wasn't sure why, but just knowing that there was someone there, to feel a bit of that body heat seep through and into him it was... good. Comforting. Even if it was Rafe. Soon enough he drifted off to sleep, completely relaxed, sated, relieved. 

The next few weeks went by in a blur. There was so much to do, Rafe had to get him new papers so that he could travel because according to every government in the world, he was dead. Thankfully there wasn't much that money couldn't accomplish, and that Rafe had more than enough of. Sam felt himself slipping deeper and deeper into this man's debt, but the thought of actually being able to find Avery's treasure after all these years made it worth it. And he kept telling himself, to keep him calm, that he would not stick around this man long enough for him to actually need to pay his debt. 

Because the treasure that he had been fantasizing about almost his entire life, that was his and Nathan's, not Rafe's. But with him dragging him all over the place, making him pick up his research again and digging through everything Rafe had found in the last thirteen years it was a while before Sam finally managed to try and look up his brother. Even then he wasn't immediately successful. Whenever he mentioned his brother's name Rafe would get angry and blocked any further inquiry, only later did Sam find out why. 

His little brother had become a legend. Sam heard stories about him that he couldn't believe, that were simply too wild to be true. That Nathan had found lost cities, had discovered things that people had been looking for for hundreds of years. He'd fought almost entire armies and won, had pulled of heists that he could only ever dream of. Some part of these stories had to be true though otherwise Rafe wouldn't be so jealous. One time a man had called Nathan a legend and Sam watched Rafe shoot him. There was the reason he would never be able to trust this man. He was too dangerous. 

Even after hearing all these stories, nothing could have prepared him for what he found when Sam finally discovered his little brother's location. In hindsight he should not have been surprised, but during 13 years in prison the thought of finally being with his little brother was what kept him going. No other thought could possibly enter his mind, and so when he did find out that he was married, it came like a punch to the gut. Quite literally, as he sank to his knees when he looked at the evidence one of his contacts had brought him. 

Married. 

This was not how it was supposed to go! He was supposed to go back and they were supposed to reconnect and Sam would kiss him and Nathan would confess that he had always felt this way too. That was how it had been in his head, always. Sam took the picture a private eye had taken and sent him, his hand shaking, his fingers tracing over it. There were lines on his face now, perhaps even some gray in his hair if he could see correctly through the tears in his eyes. But he was smiling, he was still so damn handsome and he was his little brother. Still here, and he still ached for him with every fiber of his being. 

It hurt. It physically hurt. He couldn't stand this thought, couldn't even stand to sit, and so he slid to the cold floor of the apartment he was currently staying in, not caring about anything at this precise moment. Clutching the picture of his little brother to his chest, he started sobbing uncontrollably. Everything he had been holding on to during those torturous years in prison was threatening to fall apart right now. His brother may have been a legend, but he was a retired legend. Sam had completely counted on his brother going with him at the mere mention of Avery's treasure, but now... would he? Would he leave the life he had built for a brother that he hadn't seen in almost fourteen years? 

Nathan looked so damn happy in this picture, and yet he knew that he would make a move. He had to make a move, there was no other way. It felt as if his body was compelled to come up with a plan to get his brother to work with him, it felt as if the only alternative was to fall apart and never come back together. It was threatening to happen right now, as he was curled up on the floor. What thirteen years in prison hadn't managed, one look at his married brother did. Sam knew he had to do something, his body worked on autopilot as he got up and somehow managed to get to Rafe's apartment. He had no memory of just how he did it, but Rafe welcomed him inside and eagerly returned his kisses. He needed to not think, to not feel this pain in his heart right now. 

"Is that all you can do?," Sam growled when Rafe started to lead them to the bedroom. He was in no mood for anything soft, he needed something entirely different now. 

Rafe grinned and pushed him against the wall, turned him around roughly and pulled down his pants. This was good, Sam thought, this would make him stop thinking, stop hurting. Physical pain, he needed physical pain. 

"Just fuck me already," he told Rafe, who was about to push a finger into him. He didn't care about any consequences, just guided Rafe to his entrance. 

He quickly caught on on what Sam wanted, and oh did he deliver. Sam had to bite on his lower lip to stop from crying out in pain, rested his forehead against his arm that was pressed against the wall. This could hardly be called pleasure, not for him, and yet it was exactly what he wanted and needed. Rafe took his mind off what he'd found out, reminded him that he needed to be strong, needed to rely on nothing but himself. 

After, he was limping, but he gathered his clothes and returned to his own place. If Rafe called out anything after him, he did not hear. How could he make his brother join him? The one thing Nathan would not be able to watch, to let happen, was to see him hurt, possibly die. If he thought that was a possibility, then he would surely come with him. And then, when they finally found the treasure none of it would matter. Surely Nathan would see how important this was, that the two of them were meant to find it together. It would work out in the end, he was sure. It just simply had to. There was no other way in his mind. 

And so he cooked up a story that was made of half truths and relied on his brother not checking up if any of it was true. He hoped that seeing him again, alive, after all these years would be enough to make Nathan believe him. Still it was a while before he was able to gather enough information, and money, to slip away from Rafe. It wasn't too hard, the man almost seemed to trust him. Perhaps it was their occasional hook ups, that gave him the impression that Sam actually cared about him, either way he was glad that it was something he didn't have to worry about too much. Once he was with his brother again, everything would be fine. 

It had to be. 

And by god, by the good and merciful god, it feel amazing to hold his little brother in his arms again. He couldn't let go for a long time, sagged down to the bench in front of Nathan's office with him, hugging him tightly. They were both shaking, he could feel it, and he tried to tell him that it would all be okay but his voice was failing him. Seeing his picture was one thing, but holding him, feeling him, having his scent envelop him was an entirely different thing. Right there it took all that was left of his willpower to not kiss him. All he wanted was to take his hand and run, to feel his lips on his own, to leave everything that had happened behind them. 

But he stuck to his plan, Nathan believed his story and soon enough they were in a race with Rafe and Nadine to get to the treasure. It was joy, and it was agony. To make more progress on finding the treasure than Rafe had done in thirteen years, to do all this with Nathan, and yet not being able to completely be with him. Sam hadn't stopped his little brother from lying to his wife, part of him felt guilty for it, and part of him was still hoping. A lie like that, from what Sam had understood, was not something Nathan had told for the first time. It wasn't fair to Elena, he knew that, but deep down he hoped that this would break them up. Then Nathan could stay with him, be with him. 

He was a horrible, horrible person, but he kept going, desperate for his brothers affection and attention. But he was stretched thin, so very thin. Every moment spent with his brother took something from him too, every moment that he couldn't tell him what he was holding in. It was when they had finally found Libertalia, that he couldn't hold it in anymore. What exactly triggered it, he couldn't tell, but when they sat down in that abandoned bar, the building halfway collapsed, he felt as if he couldn't stand up anymore. 

"Na- Nathan," he breathed, his voice shaky. 

His brother immediately scooched closer with his chair, hand on his thigh. 

"What's wrong, Sam? Are you hurt?" 

"I... I...," he had no idea how to start, how to say that he was in damn love with his own brother, who had ruined his marriage because of him. Sam dropped the wooden mug they'd picked up in jest, took his brother's hand as the sobs started to wreck his body. Despite the heat, he was shaking, and his brother only looked at him with confusion. 

"Sam, Sam please talk to me! What is it?" Nathan had inched closer again, was almost sitting in his lap. 

Come closer, Nathan, please come closer, he thought. Just one more inch, just please one more I need you so badly. 

He had no excuse for what he did then, for gently grabbing the back of Nathan's neck and kissing him as if he was a dying man. He couldn't tell whether Nathan returned the kiss or not, but just as abruptly as he'd initiated it, he pulled back again. His brother gaped at him, his eyes wide. Sam couldn't tell what Nathan might be feeling right now, he was too confused himself. 

"Sam," his voice was neutral, nothing betrayed his emotional state. 

A few heartbeats passed, neither of them saying anything, only staring at each other. The kiss still burned on Sam's lips. He wanted more. More. 

"The thought of you kept me going," Sam finally said. 

"What?" Nathan slightly tilted his head, and very slowly his fingers rose to his lips, and confusion was clear on his face. 

"The thought of you, of doing this... k-kissing you. It was what kept me going in that infernal place," he explained, his throat dry as the sand in the mug he had dropped. 

Agony. The silence that followed was pure agony. It paralyzed his body, made him grip Nathan's hand a little tighter than he should. But he was scared, he was so damn scared that it would all fall apart now. This was it, Nathan would call him disgusting and a freak, he would push him away and leave him out here on his own. Finding the treasure meant nothing if he didn't do it without his little brother. 

"I thought I was the only one." Nathan's voice was barely more than a whisper, but it brought a fresh breath to his chest. 

"Nathan-"

"I thought you would hate me." Now it was his little brother who was shaking too, and Sam quickly wiped away his own tears before embracing him. 

"No, no little brother I would never hate you." He hugged him as if his life depended on it, pulled back to cup his cheek, hugged him again. They were a mess and finally, finally both leaned in for another kiss. 

This time, they deepened it. The chair underneath them creaked as they scrambled to move closer, Nate slipping into his lap. He wrapped his arms around his little brother, holding him tightly, his life depended on it. Nathan's lips were softer than he had expected, but they felt perfect, as he knew they would. They fit together so perfectly, their lips, their bodies. His fantasies didn't nearly live up to the real thing. 

"Ele-," Sam started, already mentally hitting himself for even bringing it up but apparently some part of him was still decent. Semi decent at least. But Nathan cut him off. 

"I saw a bed upstairs." 

Sam should have hesitated, should have been the more responsible one between them but he couldn't. He could only run upstairs with his brother and lie down on the bed that was surprisingly well preserved. Not that he cared, he'd have taken the floor if it meant finally being with Nathan. Feeling him against him, bare skin on skin. He settled back and spread his legs, already getting rid of one of the shirts he was wearing. Nathan looked down at him, surprise clear on his face. 

"You don't want to be on top?," he asked quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 

"No," he simply replied, tugging Nathan close. He didn't want to talk anymore, and neither did his brother it seemed. 

They were quickly lost in each other, in their fiery kisses, their frantic movements to get rid of their clothes. For these few stolen moments there would be no consequences, for now he would finally get what he always wanted. Sam didn't even have time to wonder whether Nathan had been with another man before, he gently pushed him to lie down on his back, wet his fingers as much as he could with saliva and pressed them to his hole. He wouldn't mind if it hurt a little, as long as he could finally be with his little brother. He needed this, badly. 

Every thought of what would happen later was forgotten, Nathan looked down at him with a smile, kissing him sweetly, then deepened his kiss when he pushed a finger into him. Sam gasped and Nathan pulled away but he shook his head, and pulled his brother down by his neck. Those kisses, he was starving for them, and they distracted him from any discomfort he felt. He moaned softly when he found his prostate, somehow feeling he still needed to be quiet, to keep this a secret even from the tropical birds that were the only witnesses to this act. 

Nathan leaned in to nip his lower lip, tug on it in a playful way as if to say it was okay to be louder, to do more. And he couldn't hold back much longer when another finger was pushed into him, stretching him wider. With other partners, even with Rafe he'd sometimes have trouble relaxing, but not with his little brother. They belonged together, he trusted him completely, he knew that this would be perfect. 

And it was, oh it was when Nathan settled between his legs, teasing his entrance with his cock. Sam couldn't help but grin at that moment, pull him down for a sweet kiss, moaning into it when he felt that gorgeous cock pushing into him. Sure, in another place it might have been easier, more comfortable, but only one thing mattered: Nathan. Who slowly rolled his hips, making him throw back his head and let out the loud moan he'd been holding in this entire time. His fingers dug into his little brother's shoulders, legs wrapping around him. 

More, more, please...

He gave it to Sam, picking up the pace as he thrust sharply into him, once, twice, before settling on a rhythm, hitting that delicious sweet spot almost every time. Nathan leaned down to kiss him, kiss his cheek, his jaw, his brow. Every kiss left a mark on him, on his soul. He would never forget this, never. 

Sam sighed and smiled as Nathan leaned down to further explore him. He carefully kissed his way down his neck, chuckling when Sam's fingers raked over his back as he'd found one of his most sensitive spots. His toes curled in pleasure as Nathan kept alternating rough thrusts with gentle rolling of his hips, his tongue licking over the side of his neck, kissing, nipping that sensitive spot. 

"Oh Na- Naathan," he dragged out his name, moaned it into his brother's ear. This was everything he could've hoped for, and more. 

Nathan's body fit so perfectly against him, he seemed to just instinctively know what he needed, what would drive him crazy. Like the way his hand came up to brush through his hair, then grab a fistful of it and tug, tug, making Sam let out a needy, loud sound somewhere between a moan and whining. Oh there was so much they still needed to do, so much lost time to make up for. But soon he was lost in his brother, his beautiful eyes, the way he made him feel. The heat inside him, the tingling in his stomach, the pressure building up inside him. All he could do was moan, call his name, beg him for more. 

And then he gave it to him. Nathan sped up his thrusts, practically slamming into him and every rational throught was dispelled from his mind. There was only his brother, only the pleasure and the race to the peak. His brother had barely started touching his cock when he felt himself reaching that point, called out his name one more time, fingernails raking over his back, leaving red traces there. Sam just let go, let the waves of pleasure roll over him as he came over Nathan's hand and his own stomach. 

Nathan whispered something into his ear, something about him being beautiful, feeling so perfect but not much of it reached Sam's brain. The only thing he still felt was his brother's cock inside him, still thrusting, still perfect until he finally stilled and he opened his eyes again. Nathan's were closed, mouth slightly open in that beautiful expression of pleasure. It was only right that he came inside him, Sam thought as he reached to gently brush over his brother's face. It was another mark, another sign that he was his, that they belonged together. 

Sam wanted to reach out and hold his brother back when he pulled out of him, because suddenly all those thoughts from before came rushing back. Nathan was still married, Rafe was still after them, and Sam.... Sam had still lied to him. He hadn't told him, too afraid to lose his brother, to lose this moment. He hoped his panic wasn't too clear on his face, and he eagerly inched closer to his brother when he reached out to hold him close. His head on Nathan's chest, he could hear his rapid heartbeat. From sex, from nervousness, he did not know. All he knew was that he didn't want to leave, that he didn't want this to end, didn't want to face whatever was out there that could keep them apart. 

"What do we do now?," Nathan asked, his voice almost breaking. 

Sam reached for his brother's hand, intertwined their fingers, pulling it close to press a kiss to it. He looked up and saw what he felt reflected on Nathan's face. Fear, and that longing for this moment to not stop. What would happen if his lie came to light? 

"I... I don't know."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's happiness with his brother is fleeting, when his lies and fuck ups are finally revealed.

“We should keep going.” 

Sam flinched at the words, and he squeezed his brother’s hand. All he wanted to do was lie here, remain in Libertalia where he could be with his brother. Outside of this place he would have to face the unpleasant reality that would make them deal with what they had just done. After all these years, they’d finally slept together, had admitted their love for each other. Sam couldn’t say that he regretted it. Not at all. Whatever happened after this, after Avery’s treasure, he would hold this little window of happiness so dear to his heart. Because that’s what it was to him. Being with his brother was happiness. 

“I guess so.” Sam let out a sigh as he propped himself up and started looking around for his clothes. Nate joined him in this, and a few minutes later they were dressed again, facing each other. “Nathan let’s… Can we be happy for a little while?” 

For a few heartbeats Sam thought that his brother considered all this a mistake, that he wouldn’t agree and push him away. His worst fear was to hear him say how disgusting their act had been, that he would leave him standing in this place that had promised freedom for so many people. But then Nathan smiled and stepped closer to him, taking his hands. He returned that smile, his heartbeat rising as it did when he was in love. The last time he had felt like this… had been before prison. He barely even remembered the feeling, but it filled his body with a pleasant warmth, with butterflies in his stomach, that it almost overwhelmed him. Nathan leaned in, and they shared a deep, sensual kiss before deciding to move on. 

“We’re in Libertalia,” Nathan said. “We should be happy. Come on, let’s explore.” 

And they did. Nathan reached for his hand, and they intertwined their fingers. Like this, they started walking around the town, inspecting old signs, bouncing ideas off each other as to what could have happened here. Something bad, that much was clear but even these news couldn’t bring Sam down, not when he was with his brother and they could stop to kiss at any time. Which they did, frequently. His excitement about the town was multiplied by his brother’s presence and closeness, and once they had passed an old prison, they made love again. Nathan could easily pick him up and press him against the wall, as Sam wrapped his legs around him. The second time was a bit rougher than the first, and more playful too. Some of the weight that had been on their shoulders with this act, they seemed to have left behind. 

“Damn little brother,” he moaned into Nathan’s ear as he was coming inside him. “Damn, Nathan, where did you learn all this?” 

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Nathan said with a smirk, although Sam could swear there was a sadness in his eyes too. 

So he quickly changed the topic, instead tightened around him to make him moan again. Sam knew what to do, just when to do it. He had made his way through prison by knowing these things. Memories of exchanging sex for favours or safety threatened to bubble to the surface, threatened to overwhelm him right here, held up by his brother. But Nathan seemed to sense as much as he did when there was sadness in him, because he kissed him again, kissed him breathless until all thought had been dispelled from his mind. Only his brother was important, being in his arms filled him with a feeling of safety he hadn’t thought he’d ever experience again. 

Sam knew that they understood each other, when he looked into Nathan’s eyes. They stayed like this for a while, in this magical moment where despite their past, and despite their sadness they could be together. Only reluctantly did he let Nathan pull out of him, and set him down again. Adjusting each other this time took even longer, and when they started to walk after that, they did so arm in arm. They had to take this chance, for however long it lasted. Who knew what would happen once they left this place? 

The point came when they had to let go of each other, when the way ahead became impassable without climbing and assisting each other. Both of them hesitated, unwilling to let go just yet. Sam turned to look at his little brother, had to look down a little to do so. How come he felt so safe letting Nathan take care of him? Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? 

“This isn’t the end,” Nathan suddenly whispered. “I… I don’t know how but this isn’t the end, okay?” 

Sam was taken aback by this promise. A promise that came with so many implications. Nathan was still married, technically… After Elena’s visit back in their hotel room, he wasn’t so sure what it still meant. But if Nathan really stood behind this promise then…

“Are you sure, little brother?,” he asked. “You know this means-”

“I do,” Nathan said quickly. “I really do.” 

They clung to each other then, hugging the other so tightly it almost hurt. But this meant everything to Sam. Maybe he still had a chance, maybe when Nathan found out what he did it wouldn’t matter anymore. Because what mattered was that they would be together, no matter what. Treasure or no, lies or truth, what would remain in the end was their love for one another. Or so Sam hoped, repeated it like a mantra inside his head to keep his hands steady and his heart calm when they started to climb towards other parts of Libertalia. 

His mind was momentarily taken off these things when they explored the rest of it, saw the empty treasury and started following the trail of where the founders had taken every piece of treasure that had been there. Chasing these leads with his brother was exhilarating, he had almost forgotten how good it could be. There was no one else he worked better with, there was no other mind that worked so perfectly with his own. Teasing each other, challenging each other, figuring out where the treasure had gone was child’s play with Nathan’s help. He wanted to do this forever. Nothing was more exciting or more fulfilling than this. 

Plus… helping his brother up and grabbing his ass in the process was always fun. It made his brother laugh and aside from hearing him moan it was Sam’s favourite noise out of his little brother. The snorting laughter, the giggles, and of course when he was laughing so hard he was doubling over and holding onto him. That… that he enjoyed the most. 

But he had known from the beginning that this little piece of happiness wouldn’t last. Shoreline found them, chaos ensued once more and they had to run and fight for their damn lives. Things hadn’t changed that much, and yet everything was somehow different. Sam had always been hyper aware of his brother being in danger, he would always put himself between Nathan and whatever threatened him if he could. Now he tried even harder. Perhaps because he felt guilty, but mostly because he didn’t want to lose what had developed between them. This little spark of hope that they could somehow, someday have something together. It was worth getting hurt for. 

He tried his best to protect Nathan when they ran into Nadine again. Both of them could hold their own in a fight, but she was trained, army trained, and even together they didn’t stand a chance. But Sam wouldn’t let her come between them or the treasure, he would do whatever it took to get past her, or to take her out if necessary. So he took her hostage. Because he panicked, because what he had been dreading since he’d given Rafe the slip was happening: He’d found them. 

Rafe had them cornered, a cliff behind them and Nadine, his soldier goons backing him up. 

What was he going to do? What the fuck was he going to do? It would come out, all of it. He was still wrestling with Nadine, he was close, so close to just getting rid of her - he didn’t want to, he didn’t want this blood on his hands but he didn’t know what else to do- 

Nathan wrestled the gun out of his hand, and Nadine was gone. Instead… Instead Rafe was staring at him. He couldn’t even talk his way out of this one, couldn’t even try. He just took the first punch, most of it being his gun hitting the side of his face, the impact making him fall to the ground. He couldn’t believe that this was over so quickly. The sliver of hope that had sparked between him and Nate seemed dangerously close to being snuffed out for good. The dirt under his hands felt rough and coarse, even more so when Rafe kicked him and his face hit the ground, almost knocking him out. 

“You lied? You lied to your baby brother?” Rafe’s voice was full of… glee. He was enjoying this. Enjoying driving them apart. 

Sam couldn’t breathe. His heart couldn’t beat. Somehow he had managed to stand up but as he was listening to Rafe telling Nathan the truth, how they had worked together, how he was the one who had gotten him out, it seemed that his body just stopped working. Everything else was falling away, he couldn’t bring himself to look at his brother, who was denying everything that Rafe was telling him. 

“He did it all with me.” 

When Sam looked at Rafe he could see it again. The lust in his eyes. Oh it would be clear to Nathan what had happened between them. Surely he would know how he’d spread his legs for this man, who was now so dangerously close to killing them. Sam felt disgusting. He couldn’t deny it, any of it. Not anymore. 

Finally looking at Nathan, he could see everything he had been trying to avoid: Disappointment. Hurt. Heartbreak. 

“Nathan-”

“I left my life for you!” Nathan pushed him away. Physically pushed him away and that hurt more than anything Rafe could have ever done to him. The utter devastation on Nathan’s face made everything they had done earlier crumble away. 

It couldn’t. They couldn’t stop, none of what had happened between them could stop. They were meant to be together, they were meant to find the treasure together! But when he tried to explain it to Nathan he wouldn’t listen. He was taking steps away from him, getting more distance between him and Sam but less between him and the cliff. He wanted to say something but his throat was closing up and Rafe was prattling on and on. Suddenly he was raising a gun and he couldn’t stop his body from moving between him and Rafe. 

“Please, stop, just- you need-”

But none of his begging stopped Rafe from shooting, and Sam could feel the sharp pain of the bullet hitting his shoulder, could feel himself bumping against something- The something was Nathan! He turned as quickly as he could, but before he could grab him, before he could even call out his name he was falling. And falling. And falling. 

Every emotion he had felt crumbled away. Good, bad, all of it was gone. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t feel, he could just watch as the love of his life vanished from his sight. Gone. Dead. 

Did Nathan feel this way all those years ago? How could he have possible been able to keep going when there was just a big hole where his heart used to be? How could he have been able to fight this dread, this horror that was taking over every single cell that made up his being? 

He vaguely registered that he was being taken away, that someone manhandled him to keep moving. Whether his feet complied or not, he wasn’t even sure. All he could think about was seeing Nathan’s body falling down that cliff, that horrible sound of it making impact on something. That disgusting fleshy noise, the whack that told him that something horrible had happened to him, that he was gone from this world. That he was gone from his grasp, his embrace. When he finally did come to, he was sitting in a tent. 

Suddenly someone was gripping his chin, making him look up. Through his tears he could see that it was Rafe, looking down on him where he was sitting on a simple cot. His whole body was numb, he could hardly feel anything. Not the cot underneath him, not Rafe’s hand on his chin or the tears rolling down his cheeks. They were wiped away, but kept coming, and eventually Rafe seemed to give up and sighed at him. 

“What are you crying about? Your dead little brother?,” he asked. 

Now he finally felt something, now he felt the stab of loss in his heart, the pain of losing his other half forever. It made his throat close up and all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball but Rafe didn’t let him, instead made him look up again. Sam wasn’t sure what he was seeing in his eyes. Anger, definitely, but also something else, something underneath that superficial layer. Was he hurt? But he didn’t care about Nathan, why would his death affect him at all? 

His death. It was all Sam’s fault. If he hadn’t lied, if he’d just done something, killed Nadine, or Rafe, just anything could have changed the outcome of that horrible moment. And to think that he was the one who bumped into him, who gave him the final push over that cliff… He could still feel his body against his own, despite the pain in his shoulder. He was used to pain, he shouldn’t have even flinched! The thought that it was his fault kept repeating over and over in his head, making it spin, making him dizzy. Only when Rafe spoke again was he pulled back to earth. 

“When you left, Samuel. It hurt. It really hurt.” He sounded dangerous. Dangerously close to doing something bad, but also genuine? Sam couldn’t tell at that moment, his emotions were too messed up, too unclear to be able to tell what really was going on inside that man’s mind. He had never been able to fully predict his actions anyway, the man was too messed up. “It doesn’t compare to this little scratch…”

He pushed one finger into the bullet wound, and Sam winced. Pain… Pain was good. It distracted him from what he was feeling, from how much it hurt. Physical pain was so much better than thinking about his little brother on the ground somewhere. Pale, those stunning eyes staring into nothing, his body lifeless, that beautiful brain splattered all over the place. Rafe pushed into the wound again and that image vanished from his mind, replaced by searing pain, a white sharpness inside his body. This was better. He deserved this, to be punished and hurt. 

So he let Rafe grab his hair, let him pull on it. He leaned down, so close that Sam could feel his breath on his lips. 

“We were good together,” Rafe said, hissing. “We were damn good, we could have found it together, Sam. We could have been together.” 

Rafe… cared for him? Sam was baffled by the thought, but the longer he looked into his eyes the more he was sure of it. In some twisted part of his mind Rafe cared for him, or at least wanted him, permanently. None of which had stopped him from hurting and shooting him. The man was fucked up, in too many ways for Sam to count, but right now that was what he needed. His brain set out completely when he leaned in to kiss Rafe, the man who was partially responsible for his brother’s death. Both of them had killed him, and Sam needed to punish himself. 

“Samuel-” 

“Do you want me or not?,” he interrupted, and after a moment’s hesitation a smile spread on Rafe’s face and he pushed him to lie back. 

He was in a daze for what happened next, like he’d been so many years ago, when he was so devastated to find out that Nathan was married. Only it was so much worse now, there was no way to fix what had happened and he was desperate to feel nothing. He let Rafe use him, mark him, hurt him. There would be hickeys, scratches on his body and Sam welcomed those, encouraged Rafe to do more, hurt him more. Anything so he wouldn’t have to think anymore. 

After, Rafe left him like this. Alone with his bruised body, the bullet wound in his arm, and his thoughts. To avoid them scrambling to the surface he focused on the various aches and pains in his body, until he eventually found some semblance of sleep. The next day he moved in a daze, following Rafe’s orders because there was nothing else to do. He didn’t have the will to run - where would he even run to? Without Rafe there was no way to get off this island, unless he stole one of their boats which just seemed too much effort, and for what? His other half was gone, and he could never be happy again. 

He vaguely noticed that someone had been ordered to take care of the wound on his arm, and that Rafe seemed to be always by his side. The touches he gave him weren’t soft and caring, they were possessive. Sam had always known the man had wanted him, and that if he ever did, it wouldn’t be pretty. He expected Sam to jump at his every word, do as he was told, and if not… there would be consequences. The only thing stopping Rafe from taking him again was the fact that they were so damn close to the treasure. Owning that, along with Sam, seemed to lift his mood. Of course he never even mentioned Nathan again. 

Sam focused on following the clues, tried to ignore the growing feeling of regret at ever having Rafe touch him again, or the thought that Nathan would love doing this so much. Had he been here, this would have been fun, together they’d have bounced ideas off each other, like they’d done in Libertalia. Everything Rafe or Nadine contributed just seemed to stifle what energy he put into this. That was, whenever they didn’t bark orders at him. Keep moving, work faster, are we close? Sam wanted to scream. 

Being pushed and hurried to and through New Devon sucked the last of the enjoyment out of what should have been the greatest day of his life. In his mind’s eye, Nathan was by his side, taking his hand and leading him further. He would point out the pirate captain’s symbols, he’d climb a tree to get a better view of where they should be heading, and he’d jump down and stumble into his arms before kissing him. That’s how it should have been. The thought made him stumble, and Rafe roughly grabbed his arm, too close to the bullet wound and he winced. 

“Keep moving,” he said sharply, the same words he’d used over and over again. Sam was trying, badly, but his feet wouldn’t move. “I said-”

One of Nadine’s goons interrupted them then, running towards them, panting. The sweat left clear trails in the grime that covered almost his entire face. 

“There’s been a disturbance, sir,” he said, addressing Nadine more than he did Rafe, whose grip tightened on Sam’s arm. 

“What disturbance?,” he asked, and Sam recognised this tone. He was getting furious, and that was never a good thing. Not for him, nor anyone nearby. 

“It’s Drake, sir.” 

“The fuck you’re talking about? Drake is right here,” Rafe said, pushing him a little forward just in case the goon hadn’t noticed him standing right there. 

“The… the other Drake.” 

“What?,” it was the first time Sam had spoken since Nathan had fallen down that cliff, a word that wasn’t related to the treasure or its whereabouts. 

“He’s back-” 

Sam’s hearing suddenly set out. None of what they were talking about mattered anymore. Not Rafe’s angry rant, not Nadine trying to calm him down and barking orders at her soldiers. He didn’t even feel how tightly Rafe was gripping him now, opening the wound again. Nathan was alive. He was still fighting, and he would be going where they were headed: to find the treasure. He could see him again, touch him again. He would make everything right, he had to! 

As slow as his mind had been before, it now went into overdrive. He had to get away from Rafe, he had to run. At least he had let go of him now, and again told him to hurry the fuck up, pushing him forward, hovering by his side to make sure he worked as fast as he could. Sam’s eyes flitted all over the place, looking for an opening. He just needed one moment of inattention, one second to make his move. He’d need a gun, they’d come after him, he knew that much. Rafe would never forgive him for this, for what he’d already done, but he didn’t care. He had to make it to Nathan, and then things would be okay. 

He didn’t know how, but he would figure that out once he was with him again. 

His moment came when another soldier came to tell Rafe about another thing that had gone wrong, another operation Nathan had successfully interrupted. The man was furious, raging, throwing priceless artifacts against the wall, shattering them and rendering them useless for Sam to work with. But he ignored the slight tinge in his heart at the sight of these broken antiques, instead, he bolted. Hoping that his brother would find the lighter he’d left behind earlier, and avoided the death traps that had already taken out some of Nadine’s men, he grabbed the nearest goon’s gun, and he was gone. 

There was shouting behind him, shots being fired, some of them far too close to his ears for his liking. A firefight broke out, and whatever his plan had been, it now turned into one word: surviving. He tried to hide among the ruins of pirate ships long out of commission, but Nadine had brought what seemed like an endless amount of soldiers that just kept finding him. He was close to running out of ammo when he noticed the stream of goons lessening. He heard the shouting, heard Nathan’s name being called with what sounded fear. Sam had to grin, his baby brother was tearing them apart. 

And then he saw him. 

For a moment the world fell away, the sounds of gunfire faded and he hardly registered the presence of Sully behind his brother. There was a big gash on his forehead where he had most likely hit the cliff on his way down. He looked tired, worn out and beautiful. 

“Nathan-”

“Sam-”

More gunshots interrupted their reunion, and both of them huddled behind an ancient crate for cover. For a second they were able to look into each other’s eyes, and Sam could see the hurt in Nathan’s eyes, but also relief, the same relief he felt so strongly at this moment. For a long time they had to concentrate on surviving, and the first time they had a moment to talk, they had stopped in a little coastal town, one more pirate marvel for them to be amazed by. His focus, however, was on Nathan. He wanted to reach out and touch him but he wasn’t sure if Nathan would welcome that. 

He couldn’t help but step closer to him, Sully awkwardly standing a few feet away. Sam reached out, but didn’t quite touch him, leaving it up to his brother. For a moment it looked as if Nathan would recoil, the mixed emotions were so clear on his face. Sam found regret there too, and his heart raced in his chest at the thought. Silently he begged his little brother to not regret what they had done, he didn’t know what he’d do if he did. 

But then Nathan stepped closer, and hugged him. Tightly, desperately. 

“I thought you were dead,” Sam breathed, clinging to the back of Nathan’s shirt. “Oh god I thought you’d died I thought I’d- that I… Oh god Nathan.” 

“Sucks, doesn’t it?,” Nathan whispered, his voice shaky. 

“Yeah it does.” He had to chuckle, to laugh from sheer relief to hold his brother again but Nathan didn’t join in. 

“Elena left me,” he said quietly when he pulled away. “She told Sully that it’s over.” 

“I- I’m sorry-”

“No you’re not.” Nathan turned away from him, walking towards Sully again, talking softly to him. 

No… no he wasn’t, not really. He hadn’t meant to cause this, but he had wanted to be with his brother, and he only could if Elena was out of the picture. It was the only way. He had made this happen. He could have held back, he could have not initiated making love to his own damn brother but he was too fucking selfish. And now, Nathan had left his life for him. 

Except not really, Sam realised when he heard them discuss their plans to leave the island. Without the treasure. They were actually in the lead now, they had the chance to get it before Rafe did, and after everything he had lost Nate was just willing to let it go? It simply wasn’t an option for Sam, not when his brother tried to convince him, telling him he had been in his stead before, had been obsessed like he had. But Sam wasn’t obsessed, he just… needed this. It was owed to him, he had worked his entire life to get this treasure, it had been the only thing that kept him going when he was locked up in that infernal place for thirteen fucking years. 

He tried to convince Nathan, he really did. After all he had always wanted to find it with his little brother, but when he saw that he wouldn’t budge, Sam decided he would have to go on his own. They had gotten through this, Nathan had survived a damn fall off a cliff, they would get through this too. Once Sam had found the treasure Nathan would see, he would have to. 

So he left them there. 

Nathan would follow. That knowledge slowly sank in as he made his way across the island. Despite what had happened between them he knew that he wouldn’t be able to leave the one bit of family behind that he still had left. Sam would be able to find the treasure and welcome his brother to it, finally he too would see that it was all worth it. And maybe a very small part of his brain wanted to make love again, ignoring what had happened earlier with Rafe. It was all in the past now, he would only ever be with his brother again, and they would be happy. One day they would be happy. 

The next few hours went by in a blur. He found the treasure, but the thrill he felt at it was diminished by the presence of the damn Shoreline soldiers, Nadine and Rafe who had arrived there first. With their idiotic explosions they had managed to make Avery’s ship completely unstable, and despite being able to sneak into it he ran into Rafe. A short scuffle ensued, during which he was pushed against one of the many cages holding seemingly endless coins, rubies, necklaces, even armour and swords. He heard the crack way too late, saw Rafe stepping away from him before a wooden beam came crashing down on him. The wood underneath him was so rotten that it gave way partially, and he didn’t think anything was broken, but oh it hurt. 

The hurt was forgotten when Rafe was looming over him. 

“How dare you, Sam?” He knelt, grabbing his hair and pulling on it. Sam couldn’t move, he was at this man’s mercy. “You left me. Again. You’re mine, do you hear me? You’ll never leave again!” 

Sam had been scared of him before, but not like he’d been right now. The thing he’d seen in his eyes when he had looked at him or Nathan, it was more prominent now. He wanted to dominate him, not be with him, not even love him, he just wanted to own him. And every act of defiance or independence made him furious. He couldn’t imagine what Sam would do to him, even if he did agree to go with him. Never again. Never again would he let this man touch him. 

“Fuck off, Rafe!” 

Rafe made a noise almost like a growl as he pulled back for a punch. Sam closed his eyes and turned his head in anticipation for it, but it never came. When he opened his eyes again he saw him, framed by gold and flames - flames that had just started without Sam even noticing - there was his beautiful little brother, so strong and defiant, challenging Rafe to a fight. He was good, damn good, but Rafe had training, real training, not what they had gotten on the streets. There were a few close calls, but Nathan was a survivor, and that’s what he did. That’s what they both did. Before he knew Rafe was buried under a pile of treasure, gone for good. But he didn’t have a second to enjoy that moment, Nathan freed him from the wooden beam and they had to swim out of the collapsing cave - barely managing it in time. 

His world finally slowed down again when his back hit the wooden deck of Sully’s boat - or whoever it belonged to, now at least it was Sully’s. He was panting, and so was Nathan by his side. When they turned to each other, both of them found themselves smiling. There were gashes on Nathan’s face, more than there had been before, gashes in his sides, still bleeding where Rafe had cut him. Slowly Sam reached for his little brother’s hand, for a second forgetting that he had really messed up. But Nathan didn’t reject him, he took his hand, intertwining their fingers as they inched closer and closer together. 

The boat was already moving, clouds changing shapes above them. The beauty of it was lost on Sam, when all he could look at was his gorgeous brother. The strong jaw, the bright and lovely eyes, the wonderful lips, so kissable. He needed him, he loved him, and he regretted losing all that time with him so much. There was so much more that he regretted, all of it washing away when Nathan leaned in to kiss him. He tasted like the ocean, fresh and salty, his lips warm and a little rough. It felt like heaven. For a few minutes, it felt like heaven, like nothing in the world could pull him down again. 

Except reality did, far too soon. They only had to arrive on solid land again when things became awkward. Sam had nowhere to go, and he didn’t know if he could ask Nathan, heck, even Sully. Had he seen them kiss? For now he didn’t show any indication of it, but it was still something that could ruin whatever was still between them. Oh god Sully… Nathan was close with him, it would be difficult to hide their relationship from him, if there would be one. Would his brother be willing to lie, to hide, or would he insist on telling Sully? Neither of these options seemed like something Sam would want. 

“Sam?,” Nathan drew his attention again

He nervously shuffled where he stood, reaching for the box of cigarettes he had gotten here at the pier, lighting one up. A nervous tick as obvious as they came, but it somewhat helped. He didn’t know what else to hold on to- who else. He didn’t even dare look into his brother’s eyes, didn’t know whether that kiss on the boat had meant anything, whether Nathan would be able to forgive him. 

“Look, little brother, if you want I can- I can go… somewhere I-”

“Let’s go home,” Nathan interrupted. “I mean… Let’s go to Sully’s place. There is a lot that we need to figure out.” 

“You mean… together?,” Sam asked. “I can come with you?” 

“What choice do I have, Sam?” Nathan looked into his eyes, fixating on him. What he saw there scared him. Right now he didn’t see any love, he saw anger, hurt, hopelessness. “After everything, what fucking choice do I have?” 

He turned and walked away from him, securing a taxi or organising something else, Sam couldn’t think. His mind was blank, and he only vaguely noticed that his knees hit the wooden pier underneath him. He’d fucked up, and Nathan might never forgive him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan has become very distant towards his brother, seemingly unable to forgive him. Things change when Nathan realizes what happened to his brother while he was in prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some alluding to rape, some dubcon, take care!

A few weeks had passed since Libertalia and New Devon, a few weeks since he had reunited with his brother, made love to him in the ruins of a bed. Things between him and Nathan were… difficult, to say the least. Despite having been able to recover some of the treasure and managing to sell it for a shit ton of money, he wasn’t happy. Nathan was pulling away from him, because Elena had left him, and because he blamed Sam for it. He wasn’t entirely wrong to do so, Sam had certainly not held back when they had kissed. But how could he have not, after so many years apart, after finally having that chance?

 

Sam felt guilty, and lonely.

 

All he wanted was to make things right again between them, he wanted to apologise but he knew that Nathan wouldn’t accept it. Hadn’t the first ten times, and wouldn’t the next. Instead they just… lived around each other. Sully, Nathan and Sam shared an apartment for now, one their friend had bought a long time ago, a retreat for him whenever he wasn’t on an adventure with Nathan or doing his own work. Nathan himself hadn’t even seen it before, and was surprised to hear about it.

 

The one positive thing about this was that it was located in a lovely little beach town in Mexico. For the first few weeks Nathan wouldn’t even look at him, and when he couldn’t stand it anymore Sam went outside. He learned to love this little town, got to know a few people in passing, and found a small routine. Walking the side streets, feeding the little kitten that always seemed to wait there for him, sitting at the beach and looking out on the ocean. That last part always relaxed him. The ocean reminded him of freedom, the thing that had been denied to him for so long.

 

He even got a nice tan after a while, enjoyed the looks he got from men and women when he jogged past them shirtless. Because there was no way he was going to let himself go. The next job would come around sooner or later, and he wouldn’t want to risk getting hurt - or getting someone else hurt - because he wasn’t in top shape. And it did come around. Sully had heard of a small, easy to pull of heist that a small group still needed some experts for. It practically screamed Sam, and he was eager to go. As much as he loved this little town, now that he had the chance he wanted to see the world. There was so much still hidden from him.

 

“You gonna join us, kid?,” Sully asked Nathan, who was sitting in the living room, the sun shining onto the back of his head from the glass door leading onto the balcony.

 

He was hunched over a bunch of papers, head in his hands.

 

“No. I’m not in the mood.”

 

“Come on Nathan, it’ll be easy, it’ll be fun,” he said.

 

“The divorce papers just came,” Nathan replied, and he looked up at Sam. There was hurt there, but most of all anger. He still blamed him for everything. “I really don’t want to go, okay?”

 

“Yeah I- it’s fine,” Sam stammered. “We’ll manage.”

 

The last thing he saw of Nathan was that he was reaching for the whiskey Sully kept in a beautiful antique cabinet. He couldn’t stand the anger he saw in his eyes, and the one thing he knew to do was to leave the apartment, go back to the ocean that didn’t judge him for what he did. Out of love, he told himself. But that wasn’t quite true, was it? His actions had been selfish, and if he really loved he brother wouldn’t he have encouraged him to be with his wife?

 

Sam sighed, playing with the sand, letting it run through his fingers. Nathan had had a chance at a normal life, to be with a wonderful person that loved him. Even if he did eventually forgive him, what chance did their relationship really have? He knew this, he knew that if they went for it, they could never be out in public. They couldn’t tell their friends, heck what the hell would Sully think? He would chase Sam away, would most likely punch him in the face. It wouldn’t matter whether or not Sam made his brother happy, it was still wrong to be with him.

 

And yet he yearned for it, especially after knowing what it was like. Now he knew how perfect they were together, how amazing Nathan felt inside him. His brother was damn good, too, and he had wanted to ask where he had learned, but after all that happened they didn’t have a lot of fun conversations. Most of them were between Nathan and Sully now.

 

He cursed softly under his breath. He wanted Nathan’s hands on him again, wanted to feel his lips on his own so badly. Yearning was the only possible way to describe what he felt, and having him rejected at every initiation of any kind of physical contact was agony. He had tried, multiple times. Just a hand on Nathan’s shoulder, just anything at all but his brother always flinched away from him. When he did, Sam felt his heart breaking just a bit more. So for now, he had stopped.

 

Another sigh escaped his lips. He did that a lot lately, he just didn’t know what else to do. In time Nathan would maybe find it in his heart to forgive him, but for now he figured that there was nothing he could do. Or at least he didn’t know if there was something. He couldn’t talk to anyone about it either. He had fucked his brother. And he wanted to do it again. It was as simple and fucked up as that.

 

Eventually he did have to go back home, going straight to the bathroom and taking a shower as he did. As much as he liked the beach the sand just got… everywhere. He took his time, letting the hot water run down his body, letting his forehead hit the tiles and taking a deep breath. Counting the drops of water running down the tiled wall let his thoughts dissipate for a moment. They had been going in circles for the past few weeks, the same thoughts running around his head over and over and over again giving him headaches. These few moments of respite were heaven compared to the ache above his right eye that seemed to be a constant companion right now. Sometimes it got so bad he could barely keep his eyes open.

 

It was threatening to come back when he left the shower, so he kept the lights turned off on his way to his room. Only a towel around his hips, he sat down on the bed, ruffling through his still moist hair. When he felt the bed move behind him, he stood quickly, startled by the movement.

 

“What the-”

 

His eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room, only illuminated a little by the moon high in the sky. Nathan was in his bed, propping himself up on one elbow.

 

“Where were you so late?,” he asked, his words a bit slurred. He hadn’t stopped with one glass of whiskey it seemed.

 

“At the beach. Just… I needed to breathe.”

 

Sam now realised that Nathan wasn’t wearing a shirt. Possibly nothing at all, the sheet covering his hips didn’t quite tell him that. What on earth was going on, his brother hadn’t forgiven him so why was he here?

 

“Are you coming to bed or what?,” Nathan asked, sitting up, and now the sheet slipped, showing that he was completely naked.

 

Sam was weak. Oh he was weak. His brother was in his bed, drunk, and he shouldn’t do anything, should walk out that door and sleep on the couch but he was so weak. Instead he let the towel drop to the floor, enjoying the looks he earned. Nathan was checking him out, licking his lips as he inched forward and grabbed Sam’s wrists, pulling him onto the bed. They fell and Sam had to chuckle, but he was silenced by Nathan kissing him, deeply and passionately, although a little clumsy. Sam couldn’t care, not about the awkward kiss, not about the taste of whiskey on his brother’s lips.

 

His body completely relaxed, let himself be pushed on his back as he felt his brother’s hands all over his body. He loved being here, right under his brother, letting him do whatever he pleased. Sam was his, completely his, no matter what state he was in. Finally all those terrible thoughts were truly dispelled from his mind, finally he was where he wanted to be.

 

Nathan kissed his way down his neck, his chest and his stomach, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Sam’s fingers came to curl in his brother’s hair as he kissed and nipped that sensitive spot on his hip, his hand jerking him off for a few strokes. Then it moved lower, hesitated for a moment and Sam saw his brother wetting his fingers with saliva. Sam had lube, but he wasn’t going to interrupt this moment, worried his brother might change his mind at any second. He didn’t seem to however, when he felt Nathan pushing one finger into him. Sam winced, it was rougher than he was used to with his brother - not that there was much to compare it to - but he kept quiet. He’d been through much worse after all, and it would be so good once Nathan was finally in him.

 

He brushed against that sweet spot a few times, but it didn’t seem like he was actively searching it out. Sam tried to squirm, tried to get Nathan to do it again but he didn’t have any luck, and before he knew it he was being flipped on his stomach. Nathan grabbed his hips and pulled him up, his ass in the air and his face still pressed to the mattress. He was rubbing his cheeks, fingers teasing his entrance. Sam’s fingers curled in the sheets and he had to hold back, make sure that his moans weren’t too loud. Sully was still in the same apartment, could possibly walk in at any moment and there was no way to pretend this wasn’t exactly what it was.

 

“Oh Nathan, oh please…,” Sam moaned, feeling the tip of Nathan’s cock pressed against his hole.

 

He didn’t hesitate, pushed into him and Sam bit on his lower lip to keep from screaming or moaning, he wasn’t sure which. It stung with how little lubricant Nathan had been using, and yet it still felt good to be stretched open, to feel his brother inside him. Sometimes he even liked that mix, the pain, the pleasure all mixed up in one. He was about to get up on both hands, to try and turn around, to hopefully get a kiss from his brother when he felt a hand on the back of his neck, pushing him down and he froze.

 

Flashes of what had happened in those thirteen years threatened to overwhelm him, flashes of what he had to do to survive, to not be hurt or even worse, killed. He had gotten hurt in other ways, and suddenly it all came rushing back, the wall of denial and repression burst in one instant.

 

“Nathan stop… stop….,” Sam barely managed to get out the words, tried to turn but his brother still held him down. He couldn’t do this, not like this. Not when he was reduced to a thing - again.

 

For a moment he was paralysed, but then he remembered where he was, and who he was with. His brother who was drunk and had no idea what had happened to him.

 

“Stop!,” he shouted, finally twisting and pushing his brother off of him.

 

Nathan looked surprised, and then offended.

 

“Isn’t this what you wanted?,” he hissed. “Every time you came to touch me?”

 

“Not like this!,” Sam threw back, trying to keep his voice down so Sully wouldn’t hear. He frantically got up to search for his pants. He couldn’t be exposed like this anymore. “Not with you doing that and treating me like- like-”

 

“Like what?,” Nathan asked. “Like a whore?”

 

With his shirt half on, Sam just stared at him for a moment. He was drunk, these words shouldn’t hurt as much as they did. But the alcohol lowered inhibitions, maybe this was simply what Nathan really thought of him.

 

“I can’t believe you are this stupid,” he muttered, watching as Nathan glared at him, barely covered with the sheet.

 

“Stupid, how dare-”

 

“I was in prison for thirteen years, Nathan,” he interrupted him. “In South America, as the only white boy around. I can’t believe that you are this stupid as to not realise what I had to do.”

 

Nathan’s anger faded in an instant. Now all colour drained from his face as he gaped at Sam, for the first time truly realising the extent of that prison sentence. Sam had needed to protect himself and for that… he had needed others. Down there, he was exotic, down there he was desired… For a long time he had told himself that it hadn’t been so bad, had accepted his fate but now… now the memories came back and they were a lot worse than what he had made them out to be.

 

“Sam, I’m sorry-,” Nathan started but suddenly Sam couldn’t stand being in this room for one second longer than he had to be.

 

“I have to get out of here,” he said, grabbing his shoes and a jacket, ignoring his brother’s protests. “I can’t look at you right now.”

 

He didn’t let Nathan say anything else, he just turned and ran. His feet took him through the narrow alleys, down the familiar ways until he was out of breath and looking out onto the ocean again. The place he always went to when he was looking for solace. Never would he have thought it would be to get away from his brother. When had things turned so wrong? Why couldn’t he love someone else?

 

Sam took off his shoes so he could feel the sand between his toes, to concentrate on that sensation and try to forget the ache in his body, as well as his heart. His thoughts were racing as he walked closer and closer to the ocean. Part of him thought that Nathan wasn’t to blame, that he was just as troubled as himself and the alcohol hadn’t helped. Then further down he worried that this was what he truly thought of him. That Nathan had never been in love with him, that he was just a hole to be used. Maybe he got off on them being brothers…

 

“No,” he whispered to himself. That wasn’t Nathan. He was a good man he was-

 

He stopped when his feet hit water, and for a moment… For a moment he just wanted to keep going, to keep walking and vanish into the ocean, become one with the sea. To just float away and never think about anything else again. But then his body gave out, and he sank down into the sand, the cold water lapping at his toes.

 

That’s when the tears started to flow. Slowly, at first, but then his soft crying turned into sobs that wracked his body, made him shake uncontrollably as he clutched his knees and tried to not fall apart right then and there. He had never let himself do this, he had never let himself break down over what had happened to him, over what he had done to his little brother after he got out, and what he had to endure while he was still in that godforsaken place. It all just hurt, it hurt so badly he thought he would never be able to stop crying, but when he heard his brother’s voice behind him, he did.

 

“Sam?,” Nathan’s voice was barely a whisper, and Sam couldn’t bring himself to turn around.

 

“I said- said I didn’t want to look at you,” he managed between sobs, wiping away his tears.

 

“Then just… listen,” he continued. “Is that okay?”

 

Sam paused for a moment, then nodded. He felt movement behind him, and then a warmth of another body, but Nathan’s back didn’t quite touch his. Right now he preferred it this way. He hugged himself tighter and watched the waves come in, still tickling his foot every so often.

 

“I am so, so sorry, Sam,” Nathan said, taking a deep breath. “I… I really am an idiot, I never even… I never considered that. What might have happened to you, and I should have. I also shouldn’t have been drinking, or come to you in that state. I’m sorry, there… there are no words to tell you how sorry I am.”

 

He couldn’t reply, wasn’t even sure if Nathan was waiting for him to say anything. He just rested his chin on his knees and tried to even out his breathing, his mind blank.

 

“I blamed you a lot for what happened with Elena,” Nathan eventually continued. “But that wasn’t fair at all. I already ruined it by lying to her - again. What happened between us well… it’s not like she knew about it. It was me who ruined it, I could have told you no, I could have told her what was going on but I didn’t. I was just too selfish to see that.”

 

Sam almost, almost turned around at that, but the movement seemed to much effort to him. Nathan was apologising - to him.

 

“Sure I… I should have said no in Libertalia too,” he continued his monologue. “The healthy thing would have been to say no and try to work out my marriage but god… Fuck I was so relieved to hear that what I had been holding down for years wasn’t just… I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. I really needed you at that moment and I can’t- I can’t say that I regret what happened. I do love you, Sam. In that way that I’m not supposed to. That has never completely gone away, and I don’t think it ever will be.”

 

To hear him say this set his mind at ease a little. He wasn’t the only one who had kept thinking about his brother that way, though Nathan had never needed it to survive. They loved each other, they always would but in the end… did that matter?

 

“Nathan…,” he finally whispered, having to clear his throat after a long silence. “What are we going to do? If… if you wanted to do this- to do us… How is it ever going to work?”

 

“We- We’ll hide it,” Nathan said, tensing a little.

 

“And what about Sully? We’re going to hide it from him too?”

 

Nathan didn’t reply, not at first. Sully was one of the most important people in his life, and Sam knew that he could never keep this secret from him for long. And once he found out it was over, wasn’t it? They would either break up or Sully would be gone from their lives forever, and that wasn’t something Sam wanted to be responsible for.

 

“I don’t know, Sam.” Now he could hear the tears in his brother’s voice, could feel the slight shaking in his body. He reached back to search out Nathan’s hand, grasping it softly. “I don’t know what we can do. I just don’t… I don’t want to lose you too. I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”

 

“Nathan it- it’s okay,” Sam said, knowing that it was true. Nathan hadn’t meant to do this, he didn’t really look down on him. That’s all he needed to know.

 

He turned to finally look at him, tugging on his sleeve to make him turn as well. He saw himself mirrored there, his worries and fears, the puffy eyes from crying. He cupped his brother’s cheek, gently brushing over it with his thumb before he leaned in for a hug. They held onto each other so tightly, so desperately. For all they knew, this could be over soon, perhaps they would have to let go to have any chance at a life. The thought tugged at his heart, the idea to possibly have to leave his brother was threatening to break it.

 

“I don’t know what we’re going to do,” Nathan said quietly. “But I know that I’m never going to lose you. Never, I refuse, Sam! We’ll figure it out, I don’t care how but I need you to stay with me. Together or not- but… together. You hear me?”

 

“Nathan…,” Sam pulled back to look at him, smiling a little. “It’s not that easy. Sully is going to find out eventually.”

 

“Probably,” he admitted. “But let’s… let’s just take it slow, okay? I don’t want to jump right back into this we… we didn’t have the best start. And I think- Don’t be mad, Sam, I think you should see someone.”

 

“Why would I be mad that you care about me?,” Sam asked, his smile getting a bit wider. Then a sigh escaped his lips. “I know I should… I can’t deal with this on my own. I’ll… Let me think a bit, okay? I’ll get on this when Sully and I get back.”

 

“Right, the job…,” Nathan trailed off, looking past him at the ocean for a moment. “Just be careful, okay? I need you to come back to me. We need to figure this out.”

 

“I promise,” Sam whispered, taking his brother’s hands and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m always careful, aren’t I?”

 

Nathan just chuckled and ruffled his hair, and for a while they just sat by the sea, his head on Sam’s shoulder, watching the ocean soothe their nerves.

 

The job itself was as easy as he had expected, a simple breaking in, take the thing, and get out. Sam barely paid attention to what it even was, and in return earned a bruised rib as he tripped and fell. Of course the story was very different when he told it to Nathan, seeing Sully in the background barely containing his laughter. But Sam was grateful that he didn’t interrupt, because shortly after, his brother insisted to inspect the bruise.

 

It didn’t go beyond that, however, beyond a few gentle touches of his torso, his cheek. The rest of that night was spent talking, Nathan wanted to know every detail of the job and Sam tried to convey it as best he could. They talked like brothers that night, and for a while after that, that’s all they were. It seemed good that way, they could learn once more who the other was, could find out what they wanted to do now. Going legit came up a few times, but Sam was aching for adventure, for excitement and he couldn’t give that up just yet.

 

Nathan just sighed, and agreed.

 

One small job followed the other, and soon enough they were travelling all over the world, the thought of a therapist forgotten for the moment. They kept it safe, on Nathan’s insistence, although Sam was ready to try reckless things at every opportunity. Whenever Nathan wasn’t around to stop him, he did. Once that involved climbing a tower without a rope to ensure he wouldn’t die if he fell, once that involved jumping off a sky scraper to land on another roof to gain access to a vault. Each time his brother would be furious, fussing about him but with the adrenaline in Sam’s body, he didn’t care.

 

It was about a year later when Sam started to calm down a little, not necessarily taking his brother’s advice but they had accumulated some money, along with the treasure they’d gotten from Avery, and a new job wasn’t exactly in sight. They had stopped in Paris in mid-December and the city was covered in a beautiful layer of snow. Here, Sam found that he didn’t mind not working for a change, and it was him who suggested taking a holiday. Sully was all over the idea, immediately going off to meet a “friend” he had here in Paris and judging from the picture Sam had seen on his phone, he was young and beautiful.

 

“Well the man still got it,” he mumbled, turning to join his brother who was leaning on the railing of the bridge they were standing on, looking out onto the Seine.

 

For the first time in months, Sam stopped to really look at him. He was wrapped in a big coat, a blue scarf that was so big it was coming up almost to his nose. His nose that was a little red from the cold, as were his ears. He could tell from the way his eyes crinkled that he was smiling, this rest was as good for him as it was for Sully. Nathan looked… damn cute.

 

There had been an awkwardness between them after what had happened that night, after Sam had run away. But the awkwardness had turned into forgiveness and then trust. They had gotten to know each other, their habits, their personalities and they had become brothers again, close as they had ever been. For a while Sam thought that perhaps that could be it, that he could ignore the love he felt for him so that they could both live normal, happy lives. But now he was struck once more by how handsome he was, how strong and almost… regal, when he wasn’t falling down a ledge or sliding down somewhere.

 

“Sam?,” Nathan had finally noticed him staring, his smile fading a little.

 

“Let’s go on a date,” Sam blurted out.

 

“What?” His brother looked completely perplexed, frozen in place with one hand still one the railing.

 

“Look, okay, maybe it’s this city, Paris being all romantic and stuff, maybe it’s the snow, maybe it’s you looking damn cute with that scarf but I- I want to take you out,” he babbled on, his heart suddenly racing. “I mean… If that’s something you still want. We’ve been taking it slow, haven’t we?”

 

“We have I…,” Nathan looked down at his feet. “I thought you didn’t want to anymore. I thought maybe you’d stopped-”

 

“Loving you?,” Sam asked. “I could never do that, Nathan. Never. I tried, but it’s been a year and I- Look will we- We can just- The Louvre?”

 

Nathan looked up at him, and there it was again, his sweet smile. He stepped closer and took his hand, both of them knew that in this city it didn’t matter, no one knew they were brothers.

 

“The Louvre sounds perfect.”

 

They decided to walk there, pressed against each other, enjoying the beautiful scenery. For a while they did so in silence, this sudden change, the possibility of their relationship changing more making them both a little nervous. But the moment they set foot inside the museum that all changed. They both loved art, had studied it extensively both in books as well as finding lost treasures in lost cities. Almost heated discussions ensued over various paintings, both arguing for their favourite artists or against the ones they didn’t like. And once that had gotten boring they started to case the place.

 

Naturally trying to rob a place like the Louvre wasn’t what they wanted, it was way too high profile for them. But it was fun to try and figure out how to do it, if they were going to do it. Naturally with just the two of them it was impossible, which didn’t stop them from devising a plan with a few of their friends. In the end, they realised, they could probably do it.

 

“And if there were a sudden guard shift…,” Sam trailed off, suddenly grabbing his brother and pressing him against the wall of a corner. “We would just make out and pretend were good little tourists.”

 

Nathan chuckled against him, hands pressed against his chest. Slowly, his fingers curled in his shirt, pulling him even closer.

 

“You know that only works in movies,” he said, tilting his head up.

 

“Well you never know unless you try…”

 

Sam was about to lean in when they heard someone clearing their throat behind them. They both turned around sharply, panicked for a moment but the security guard only shushed them away, scolding them by claiming this was no place for such displays of affection. Once more Sam thought that the feeling that someone would know they were brothers would most likely never go away. But then Nathan took his hand and they kept walking, he was smiling up at him and Sam’s doubts faded in an instant.

 

“Well that was embarrassing,” Nathan chuckled, still pressing close against him. “Oh god I think he’s actually following us, as if we were about to fuck here.”

 

“Maybe he just wants a show,” he turned to wink at the security guard who at least had the decency to blush.

 

They laughed at his expense, started to make their way outside once more where it had started to snow again. Nathan shivered against him as their warmed up bodies hit the cold air outside, so he wrapped an arm around him to keep him as close as possible, promising a nice lunch to keep him warm. As they walked he was hit by how much he loved this normalcy, how easy and natural it felt to him. This was it, this was what he wanted. After all they had been through, after what had happened between them, this was simply… it.

 

He suddenly stopped in his tracks, and Nathan almost walked out of his arms, stopping himself mid-step.

 

“Huh, something wr-”

 

Sam cupped his brother’s cheeks, noticed the snowflakes in his hair, the blush in his cheeks and how utterly gorgeous he looked among it all, and leaned in to kiss him after a year’s abstinence. He still tasted perfect, still felt perfect when he melted against him, his fingers curling in his jacket as he returned the kiss eagerly. Sam let his hands slide down his brother’s arms, let them slide over his back to hold him as close as he possibly could, wishing that they could somehow be closer.

 

“Oh wow,” Nathan moaned against his lips, his breath turning into white fog. “Oh wow Sam…”

 

“That good huh?”

 

“So good I’m thinking I want more…,” Nathan whispered into his ear, his hands sliding around him to squeeze his ass.

 

“Would it be too cheesy if I bought us rings?”

 

His brother’s head jerked back a little, staring at him like a deer caught in headlights for what felt like an eternity.

 

“I was thinking about sex- Wait, what?,” he blurted out when he had gathered his thoughts again, and Sam felt himself blushing.

 

“I- Okay, look, I just… I want this, you.”

 

“That’s not taking it slow!,” Nathan said, his voice raised a little and about an octave higher. “We can’t even get married, what are you talking about?”

 

“I know it’s not, and I know we can’t, it would be more symbolic but god I have never felt this good than I have today, being with you. Really being with you!,” Sam said, chasing his brother’s touch, holding his hands. “Okay, I admit, that was kind of stupid, let’s go to lunch. Let’s… go on more dates? Please?”

 

“Yeah…,” his brother mumbled, letting himself be guided to the café Sam had seen before. “Yeah okay let’s do that.”

 

Sam realised he had fucked up badly when his brother didn’t even touch his food, when he even had to order for him because he was so absent. Of course Nathan didn’t want to rush this, there were still the same problems they had faced before. And it had only been a year since the divorce had come through, naturally his brother wouldn’t be too keen on anything resembling a marriage. He had really messed up this time.

 

“Look, Nathan, it was… it’s this stupid city, okay, it’s too romantic,” he blurted out. “I didn’t mean that, I’m not gonna get us rings, I promise. We should really take it slow and not… that.”

 

Nathan sighed, still looking out the window and not at him.

 

“How am I going to tell Sully that I want to spend the rest of my life with my brother?,” he asked no one in particular, but Sam suddenly felt exhilarated.

 

“You mean you-”

 

“Yes I want the rings,” his brother turned to look at him again, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes on his lips. “But Sam… Nothing’s changed. It’s still the same as a year ago.”

 

“That’s not entirely true.” Sam reached over the table to take his brother’s hand and squeeze it softly. “We have both changed since then. I finally know you again, really know you. This isn’t just that leftover attraction we felt sixteen years ago when we were too scared to act on it, or the relief of having each other again. This is more and for me- for me this is it, Nathan.”

 

His brother stared at him, eyes filling with tears as he squeezed Sam’s hand too. He took in a shaky breath, then nodded.

 

“I know, Sam,” he said. “You’re right in that way, but you know what I mean when I say nothing has changed. I can’t tell Sully, I just can’t. And he’s been like a father to me.”

 

“Then maybe he will understand. We’re not hurting anyone by being together.”

 

“Understand? Understand that I’m fucking my-,” Nathan looked around and leaned in, whispering. “…that I’m fucking my brother?!”

 

“What if it’s worth the risk,” he asked. “What if there’s a chance?”

 

His brother sighed again, shrugging as he pulled back and resumed staring out the window. The conversation was on hold for a while as Nathan promised that he would think about it, and Sam didn’t push him, even when days turned into weeks, and then into months. Paris, however, stayed. They could live here comfortably for a while, doing the odd job - legal or otherwise - just so they wouldn’t get too bored. But the city appealed to all three of them, as did the places that Sam could take his brother to.

 

The conversation had been forgotten for a while, and they resumed their slow relationship, hiding it from Sully. It was steady, it was easy to be with his brother like this, in a real relationship. It never got boring, no matter how mundane their dates were, even if it was a simple dinner or lunch. Their life became so steady that Sam finally sought out that therapist, started going regularly to talk about what happened and what he had to do while he was locked up. It wasn’t easy, and it brought out a lot of memories that kept him from being intimate with his brother again.

 

He wanted to, badly. But it took him longer than a few months to get to that place, it took them both to touch, kiss and explore each other, and it took Nathan to be patient with him. Of course he was, always making sure that his brother was comfortable with what they were doing. For a long time that was just kissing and petting, until it turned into touching each other more intimately, until it turned into Sam being ready.

 

Sully hadn’t questioned when they had started to rent two readily furnished apartments instead of one, hadn’t questioned when Sam and Nathan had moved into one together, the spare bedroom completely unused. The latter part, he of course didn’t know about, but Sully was happy enough to have his own space once more. What it did boil down to, was that Sam didn’t have to worry about being caught when he was lying under his brother, hands on his ass and encouraging to keep rutting against him.

 

They had managed to take off their shirts, but the pants were still on because Nathan knew that it somehow made Sam feel safer. Not tonight though, tonight Sam felt good, no thoughts of memories were creeping up on him and ruining his fun. So he slipped his hands into Nathan’s sweatpants, squeezing without the damn cloth between him and his brother’s ass.

 

“Sammy?,” Nathan moaned against him. “You sure?”

 

“I’m ready, Nathan,” Sam whispered. “I’m so ready, I need you right now.”

 

He was so hard it was almost painful, and maybe his dick was thinking for him right now, but all that he could picture was Nathan in him, feeling his perfect cock stretching him wide open like he had done in Libertalia. As messed up as it had all been, that had been one of the happiest days of his life, finally being with his brother again. Truly be with him. And he wanted to experience that again.

 

“All right,” he said, leaning in to kiss Sam’s cheek. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

 

Nathan cupped his cheek, smiled down at him as Sam nodded, returning that smile. His brother’s next kiss was deep and sensual, breaking off abruptly and leaving Sam wanting for more, his fingers curling in Nathan’s hair as he kissed his way down his chest and stomach. Sam lifted his hips to help his brother take off his pants, and as he usually did, he wore nothing underneath. Nathan chuckled against his inner thigh as he started kissing him there, kissing and nipping once to make Sam yelp in surprise. Both had to giggle at that, and it lightened Sam’s heart.

 

This was as perfect as the last few months had been, it was easy, light hearted, but on top of that, it felt amazing. Nathan, as he had learned when they were making out, had a very talented tongue. It circled his entrance, dipped into it, showered it with attention as Sam had a hard time trying to keep his thoughts together. They threatened to disperse with the pleasure his little brother gave him as he stretched him open, teasing him gently and deliciously to make sure he was properly ready for him.

 

Oh and when he was, it was a thousand times, a million times better than what they had done in Libertalia. This was how it was supposed to be, how it would be every time from now one. Nathan was slicked up and he was relaxed, gently stretched open by his brother’s cock who filled him up perfectly. When he was completely in him he stilled, resting on top of Sam but making sure he didn’t put too much pressure on him.

 

“You good, Sam?”

 

“Perfect, little brother. Absolutely perfect,” he sighed, trying to get the fullness out of his heart. But it stayed, the love, the pleasure he felt just stayed with him - and it felt beautiful.

 

He wrapped his legs around his waist and let himself fall into the pleasure that filled him when Nathan started thrusting gently. He made sure to check on Sam every now and then, brushing his hair out of his face and asking if he was all right. But it stopped when they were both too lost in chasing their peak, so close to their orgasms that all they could do was moan against each other’s lips. Sam didn’t have the capacity to tell his brother to speed up, so instead he let his hands slide down his back and squeeze his ass, press him closer while tugging on his lower lip.

 

Nathan grinned, a fiendish grin just before he sped up. Sam let go, he just moaned freely as his brother all but pounded into him, watching his every reaction as he did. He was close, so, so close, silently begging for his brother to send him over the edge. And when he finally did, Sam blacked out for a moment the pleasure was so overwhelming. He felt his own come on his belly, heard Nathan moan into his ear how perfect he felt around him, and soon enough the words were gone, replaced by a deeper moan.

 

They were incredibly cuddly afterwards, lying side by side just smiling at each other, kissing every now and then. It was sickening and Sam loved every second of it.

 

“I think that was the best I ever had,” Sam mumbled, sighing again because he was so content.

 

“Go me,” Nathan chuckled, doing a little fist pump to cheer himself on, making Sam laugh as well. He finished it with a kiss to his lips, but then his smile faded. “You know… I’ve been thinking, about what you said a while back.

 

“Oh? Which one of my brilliant ideas are you so fond of.”

 

Nathan rolled his eyes, turned around to search for something in his nightstand.

 

“None of those…,” he trailed off, and when he faced Sam again he was holding a small box. “I mean about the rings.”

 

“You’re kidding,” Sam gasped, eyes wide as his brother opened the box, revealing two plain but beautiful silver rings. “Does that say sic parvus magna on the inside?”

 

“Sort of our motto, isn’t it?” Nathan looked nervous suddenly, as if he was regretting his decision.

 

So Sam held out his hand, nodding, and let his brother slip one of the rings onto his finger. It felt exhilarating, and he was all giddy.

 

“You were right,” his brother continued. “This is it.”

 

“I love you, Nathan,” Sam blurted out, hugging him tightly. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too.” Nathan was grinning like a little boy when Sam slipped the other ring on his finger too, kissing the knuckles of his hand when they intertwined their fingers.

 

“So…,” he said after a while of sickeningly grinning at each other. “It’s time to talk to Sully, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah…” Nathan’s smile faded, but he kissed him once more and nodded. “Let’s get cleaned up and we’ll talk to him.”

 

Their excitement about their engagement in a manner of speaking faded a little as they showered, knowing that Sully might leave, one of the most important person in their lives. And he had become that for Sam too, despite not liking him at first. It had all boiled down to jealousy if he was honest with himself, he had missed so much time with Nathan, the time that Sully had gotten instead. He had taken care of his little brother, had seen him grow up into a wonderful man. But once Sam had gotten past these thoughts, he had quickly warmed up to him. He would never be as close to him as Nathan was of course, but it would hurt if Sully decided to leave.

 

Nathan had sent him a text after they had stopped looking like they had just made love, and now they were sitting in their living room next to each other, holding hands and waiting. It didn’t take long for Sully to show up, letting himself in and stopping in his tracks, giving them both a once over. His gaze lingered on their hands, the matching rings there.

 

“So you’re finally making it official then?,” he said, sitting down opposite them.

 

“Wait, what?,” Sam asked, glancing at Nathan who looked just as confused.

 

“Did you really think I didn’t notice?,” Sully continued.

 

“I- well, yes,” Nathan admitted, blushing a little. Sam could practically hear his heart racing in his chest, he was just as nervous as his brother.

 

“You boys aren’t that subtle,” he said, lighting a cigar. He took his time, and Sam’s heartbeat joined his brother’s. “I saw you, out on a date I suppose.”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?,” Sam asked.

 

“Oh I wanted to. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have… reactions.

 

“You were disgusted,” Nathan whispered. “Just say it.”

 

“I was,” Sully admitted after a moment’s hesitation. “Frankly I wanted to go and punch you.”

 

He looked at Sam when he said that, but despite his words there didn’t seem to be any actual anger in him. Perhaps there had been in the past, though he has never shown it.

 

“But then I couldn’t tell whether it was you,” he continued. “I thought you must have manipulated Nate somehow, that you pressured him into doing… things. But the more I saw the surer I got it wasn’t like that. And believe me, I watched closely. I mean- How in the heck should I have talked to you two about this?”

 

He huffed, looking from one to the other before he continued.

 

“I watched, carefully. I watched Nate take care of you, even if it was just making sure you wore your damn scarf. But it was him who made sure that you went to therapy, getting you there every week. I didn’t see an imbalance, I didn’t see a sick-,” he stopped himself. “Taking aside the obvious, I saw a healthy relationship. Tell me, Sam, do you talk about this in therapy.”

 

Nathan turned to look at him, they never really talked about what happened when he went there.

 

“We do,” he admitted. “We talked about why… that kind of stuff. Of course it’s not… it’s not normal, but it’s just the way it is. I love him, I’m in love with him. You.”

 

Nathan smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

 

“It’s not like we could make a baby,” Sam continued. “Or anything like that. I get that you’re grossed out, I know that’s normal to feel that way. But I really hope that maybe… that maybe you won’t leave.”

 

Sully looked at them both for a long while, sighing in the end.

 

“So this is what it’s going to be like?,” he asked. “The two of you, together? Always?”

 

“It is,” Nathan said quietly, clutching Sam’s hand so tightly it almost hurt. “I’m sorry, Sully.”

 

“Don’t be,” he said, and finally he gave them a small smile. “I won’t leave. Well, I can’t say that I’m too happy about this but there’s nothing I can do with you stubborn kids, can I? Just… tell me everything.”

 

So they did, leaving out the more intimate details of their relationship of course. But they told him how it started, how they had fallen for each other, what happened in Libertalia and why they were so distant for a while. They explained getting to know each other again, and falling in love once more. What they mostly explained was that there was no manipulation, no coercing between them, they had simply fallen for the wrong person. Perhaps there was a deeper reason, but to Sam it didn’t matter.

 

It was awkward, at first. Despite knowing about it for a while Sully had to get used to it. They didn’t flaunt their relationship in front of him, the most they did was hold hands every now and then. But after a while he seemed to get used to it, he stopped watching them closely, they started going out to dinners and things turned back to normal. Sam couldn’t believe his luck sometimes. Somehow, after all the shit he had been through, his own mess ups, his lies, things had worked out.

 

Whatever the future held, he was looking forward to facing it with Nathan by his side.

 


End file.
